Airline Etiquette

As someone who fly’s 3-4 weeks a month I can appreciate the fact that everyone who doesn’t fly as much as I do, may not know the best way to navigate the brave new world of air travel. With this in mind, I have created the passengers Bill of Rights for your fellow traveler, because let’s face it, the airlines could care less.

1. DO NOT Lower your seat as far back as it can go. In fact don’t touch it, this holds especially true for people whose feet don’t touch the ground when they sit down. Which without fail are the biggest offenders. As the space between rows continue to shrink, realize there is someone behind you and they would like to have the use of their knees at the end of the flight.

2. DO NOT use the seat in front of as a support device to sit down and get up out of your seat. If you are that out of shape that you can’t take two side steps over without putting 500 pounds of pressure on my seat with the force equivalent to slingshot me up to first class, don’t by a ticket until you can do 10 squats and climb two flights of stairs without losing your breath. Added bonus, you will actually fit into your seat.

3. DO NOT put your jacket in the over-head compartment. You are not going to believe this but other people also need that miniature coffin space.

4. DO NOT be the Philistine that stores his bags above row 15 when you are sitting in row 34. This only further contributes to slowing the deboarding of the plane because the people who are sitting there are now forced to place their bags further back and you know they aren’t going to wait until everyone gets off to get their bags.

5. DO NOT take 17 minutes to put your bag up and then step in the aisle to pull out three items you have to have before take off.

6. DO NOT ask people to switch seats so you can sit with your spouse/boyfriend/spiritual advisor/ drunk woman whose flight got cancelled and made this flight on stand by who you are now trying to get to join the mile high club (OK, maybe the last one). They need a break from you, let them have it.

7. DO NOT take your shoes off and walk around barefoot, this isn’t the 60s

8. Dress nice, flying used to be special, now it is like taking the #12 Clark bus downtown. And spare me the need for comfortable clothes debate. We are taking a 90 minute flight with beverages served to your seat, not a walk-a-bout through the Australian outback.

9. Inside Voice: I know you think your conversation will be just as fascinating to 24 people around, but trust me, it is not. You are at an 8, we really need you at a 2. You ears haven’t popped yet, but your screeching took care of ours at 15,000 feet.

10. The person in the middle seat is having a bad enough day as it is, let them have the two arm rests on either side. Have a heart for your fellow traveler.